(This caption is cont’d from the last photo)
Some further elaboration for those who may not know what it can sound like.
Situation: Someone makes a mistake, the other person gets upset and wants to address the issue.
A) This makes the person who made the mistake feel bad and ashamed. When the boundary comes from a place of shame, it can sound like “Fuck you, I didn’t do anything wrong. You’re making me feel like shit. You are so toxic. Don’t speak to me.” It could also sound like “I’m a terrible person and i need to protect myself. You talking to me is making me feel terrible, stop talking to me. #selfcare.”
B) Whereas if it is coming from a place of groundedness, it would sound more like “I think I am in a shame spiral, and I don’t think I’m in the best place to talk about it now. I can see that you are very upset and I would like us to talk about this/ I understand I made a mistake and would like to address that. Could you give me (a couple of hours/a day/___) to gather myself and my thoughts, and we can talk about it then?” And then follow up.
In reaction B), it is honouring the need for safety, still taking accountability, and honouring the other person’s need for safety as well. Self care is not selfish.
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Self care isn’t just about removing things/people that make us uncomfortable from our lives or burning sage around them.
***It is very, very easy for manipulators, narcissists, sociopaths etc, to use this language on their victims and convince them that they are the ones being toxic.***
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If you are a hard time understanding your emotions, identifying what is harmful and what is not, understanding what boundaries are and setting them,
@createsaferelationships
@silvykhoucasian
@jordanpickellcounselling
@millenial.therapist
Are a few who I’ve found really awesome. Just a reminder that Instagram is not therapy! They’re just very generously sharing the information that they have. Some of them have programmes that you can sign up for as well! Alright you guys, here we go!! Stay safe ;)
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