5.41a 29 May 2021
Tonight, i hold you a little longer after I've fed you. Just quietly watching you as you breathe deeply in my arms, sound asleep. Once again, it's just you and me in our little world in the darkness, as our heart beat to the same rhythm. i hold you tight as i caress your face and gently trace your little nose with my fingers. I hold you just a few minutes longer before i put you back into your cot.
This week's been a struggle as i deliberated over sleep training you or not. My weak heart can't bear to hear you cry the way you do, when i know all you need is for me to hold you, for you to smell me. As you learn about relationship in leap 6, you're now more clingy to me. Where it was possible for someone else to put you back to sleep, you now refuse everyone else but me.
When the going get tough, i repeatedly remind myself that this wouldn't last forever. Someday will be the last day, and it'll come sooner than i realize. Someday, I'll look back at this period of time of broken sleep, and it'll all be just a distant memory. Some day, I'll miss being able to connect with you like this, in this most primitive way of providing comfort for you.
But for now, I choose to live in the power of the present, taking one night a time, blocking out the noise of what the society expects of a 'good baby'.
You are my good baby. You are my best baby. I love you, Layla Woo.
#babyWooLaLa #SSmotherhoodjourney #motherhood #firsttimemom #8monthsold #sheilaloveherlife #sspositivepsychology #ssfoodforthoughts #consciousparenting #gratitude #powerofnow
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